This sentiment particularly holds true to how you speak to yourself. Our thoughts become our reality through the web of our feelings, emotions, and beliefs. It’s the same foundation for the saying “your vibe attracts your tribe.” If you’re constantly spouting hurtful comments about yourself to yourself, the rest of your life will not look much different; your confidence, relationships, career, bank account, etc.
So, how do you navigate life while not losing sight of the glorious perfection that is your spirit; who you truly are.
The answer is to stop criticizing yourself and shift the tone of your internal dialogue.
Before we dive in, I want to make it clear that when I say criticizing, I am not referring to making positive changes in your life i.e., swearing off soda, cigarettes, contact with your narcissistic ex-boyfriend, etc. I am talking about making those positive changes while speaking positively to yourself.
Pat yourself on the back, not on the back of the head.
Society teaches us that we must control ourselves in all capacities; our emotions, our bodies, our creations, our needs. We are critical of the things that we feel, the way we look, the expectations we don’t fulfill, the way our body functions, and the so-called mistakes we make. We categorize every aspect of our lives as good or bad, right or wrong. We pose, edit, and screenshot snippets of ourselves for social media to uphold an image of what we’ve been told is perfection. All the while, resisting and dismissing the inherent beauty of our imperfection; our bumps, bruises, and boldness.
We desperately need to stop criticizing your humanness and start believing in and existing in our other-worldliness.
Negative thoughts are habitual and addictive. They don’t feel good or nourish our soul, but somehow they’re easier than admitting we’re fabulous. They gain the most momentum in the morning, when we take the first post-sleep look at ourselves. You can set the stage for a day of manifestation, connection, and empowerment by simply saying, “You’re beautiful, capable, and alive.” Repeat the phrase three times while looking in the mirror. Feel anything that comes up – mistrust, disapproval, unworthiness, shame, discomfort. These originate from a state of fear and lack. They are normal and okay and a product of our human conditioning, but you’re choosing to alchemize a different reality (Can I get a Hell yeah!?!). The decision to exist in a state of yes, a state of I-am-worthy-of-greatness can begin immediately.
Instead of rolling in the muck of non-doing, pressing snooze three times, tiredness, or the pimple that decided to occupy your face the day of your big job interview, know that none of those “things” are who you are. They are just details in our stories — the ones we like to react to, dramatize and exist in, rather than feel the experience, see it with total clarity (its intentions and causes), and accept it with unconditional compassion.
Compassion comes in many different forms, but the one we tend to forget is compassion for ourselves. Practice speaking kindly to yourself – the same way you would speak to a child, offering love, encouragement, and affection. Incorporate a self-care ritual into your daily routine: exfoliate with a homemade coffee scrub in the morning, put a few pinches of maca in your morning brew, place a few drops of eucalyptus or lavender oil on your shower floor during your evening shower (I call this the lazy diffuser – works like a charm!). Compliment yourself and mean it. Tell yourself that you are gorgeous and necessary and that your light is an essential contribution to the brilliance of Universal Intelligence; our oneness and sameness with all other human beings. Say it out loud. Believe it, like you believe in the warm coffee between your hands.
The constant influx of thoughts is like a buffet. If you pass by a thought that serves you, that looks delicious and nourishing, throw that baby on your plate. When you come to the red jello with whipped topping … you know, the thoughts that poison you and the life you deserve to live, keep walking without a second glance. As with anything, the more you practice, the more efficient you become at effortlessly stepping over the heavy, toxic thoughts like a pebble in the road.
Each moment and each thought has the capacity to be a tiny devotion to ourselves; our strength, beauty, and divine purpose, so that we may become the best possible version of ourselves … the person we are truly meant to be.
Shawn Rae is a mother, nonfiction word-weaver, poet, life coach, yoga guide, nontoxic living advocate, and compassionate earthling. She’s inspired by truth and believes wholeheartedly that all humans are worthy of love and wine. Connect with Shawn on her website, Instagram, or Facebo